Think of It As Extra Time

      I know this should be easy.  I try to convince myself that it's not a something to add to my To Do list, rather it is something I can remove.  I no longer have to . . ."Stop whatever I am doing; go to  kitchen; get something to eat" multiple times each day.  Taking it off my list means I have a lot of extra time to get things done. Yikes! I have been spending a lot of time in the kitchen.

      This thought makes me start to wonder "why?"  Why has getting something to eat become such a go to for me? Why has eating become my hobby, or, perhaps, obsession is a better word?  Sitting here writing  I have fought the impulse several times to get up and just open the cupboard.  Of course, doing that would most likely result in the the consumption of at least 300 calories or 4 points depending on which food plan I'm using.  (To get past it I ate a bunch of baby carrots and got myself a cup of coffee.  I know it should be water instead!!!)

      I spend a lot of time at my computer, getting work done or writing. Usually, I am in the kitchen.  Suddenly, I am reminded of my college/graduate school days.  But back then I was a smoker.  I smoked a lot.  I used to smoke while I sat at the computer working on papers, smoke while I read my textbooks and took notes, thought about smoking and took breaks to smoke while I was in the library.   Now I think about food the way I used to think about cigarettes.  Food has replaced my smoking addiction.  

      I haven't smoked for years, ten years longer than this unfortunate weight gain I am battling.  I'm left to wonder why this substitute addiciton has surfaced now.  But that's the topic for another day. I'm taking my coffee and getting out of the kitchen.  I've got a day off and a lot of laundry.  Folding should keep my hands busy for a while. And next time I find myself wandering into the kitchen, I'm going to get some water.

Another Try

I haven’t always been fat.  Years ago, in what seems like another life, I was fit and healthy.  I had a fairly healthy relationship with food. I didn’t use food to comfort myself.  Then a baby at later in life, menopause following quickly behind and the stresses of life and family began to take its toll. I simply lost control.

Today, I find myself floundering.  Each day I intend to try again and each day I fail. Unhappy and going nowhere with my weight loss, I feel defeated and am beginning to feel resigned to this fate.  I reach for food when I am stressed, need to relax, bored, angry, sad. Food, for just a moment, makes me feel better. It distracts me from thinking about my life. 

But my life is passing me by.  I can’t let my weight and food to control my life any longer. I deserve to be happy and it is time for me to begin making that happen.  Happiness may not be a guarantee but I know that feeling better about my weight and how I look and feel will give me the confidence to work on other areas of my life, too. Today I begin my journey back from fat.